The worst thing about insomnia is the boredom.

I wake at 2.30am, and I’m feeling kind of cosy and snuggly in my bed. I go for a pee (should have done those pelvic floor exercises like my midwife said) but when I get back to bed I’m still only half awake, and there’s a chance I’ll get back to sleep. But then my brain starts thinking…

It’s now 3am and I contemplate the things I have to do at work that day. To begin with this is reassuring – a mental To Do list. Except – holy crap – I remember something I should have done the previous day. And now my brain is on full alert. I am wide awake.

By 3.10am I try to distract myself from work and deliberately recall time I spent with my children that day. I remember how it felt when one of my boys sat on my knee and wrapped his skinny kid arms around my neck and we blew raspberries on each other’s cheeks. Then I get a bit maudlin and wish I’d spent more time with them, and less time shouting at them to stop shouting… and less time staring at facebook on my phone.

… my beautiful iPhone…which is sitting there on the bedside table. Pick me up and play with me, Fiona, it whispers.

I’ve read plenty articles about the sleep-disrupting effects of a bright screen. If I pick my phone up, I’m pretty much done for. Goodbye sleep for the rest of the night.

But I’m so bloody bored, lying here turning back and forth, trying to stem my resentment at the man beside me who is sound asleep – but breathing rather loudly.

By 3.30am I have my phone in my hand and it’s fabulous. I am entertained! I play my turn at Words with Friends, reply to a couple of messages, hoping the recipient had the foresight to switch their phone to silent so they don’t end up awake like me, I check my Twitter notifications to discover another two sex industry workers are following me then … off to facebook. Yay! There’s a post from another friend who can’t sleep. I feel part of a secret cult of night time insomniacs.

I have recently started following various science pages, mostly based in the USA, and they seem to publish posts to coordinate with my sleeplessness. Their articles are stacked up in my newsfeed and I have time and peace to read them, which is awesome (if you are looking for a range of interesting articles at 3am, my favourites are: Scibabe, A Science Enthusiast, The Skeptical Beard and 3 Scientists Walk into a Bar).

Reading motivates me to write – and my stomach is rumbling – so at 4.15am I get up, make tea and toast and write a blog post about insomnia.

Have a nice day y’all.

PS Anyone able to recommend a decent concealer?

Me after a ridiculously early rise.

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